


Even Princes Need Saving

by YouDontKnowMeIDontKnowYou



Series: Sanders Sides Stand Alone One Shots [5]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Adventure, Carrying, Fairy Tale Elements, Fluff, Humor, Kidnapping, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-03
Updated: 2018-12-03
Packaged: 2019-09-06 03:52:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,899
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16824559
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/YouDontKnowMeIDontKnowYou/pseuds/YouDontKnowMeIDontKnowYou
Summary: When Deceit kidnaps Roman in order to take over the Imagination, it's up to the other Sides to rescue him! What will they do when faced with a troll, a unicorn, and gasp, the Dragon Witch?





	Even Princes Need Saving

Virgil and Logan startled as Patton burst into the living room.

“Roman’s been kidnapped!”

Logan adjusted his glasses, sharing a look with a wide-eyed Virgil. “Kidnapped?”

The moral Side nodded vigorously. “By Deceit! We were in the imagination when the Dragon Witch came down with Deceit on her back! She swooped down and plucked him right up!”

“Are you okay, Pat?” asked Virgil. “You weren’t hurt or anything?”

He shook his head. “I’m fine, kiddo. But we have to go save Roman!”

As Patton turned heel and rushed away, the left-brained Sides stood and followed. They stepped through the door and out onto a grassy plain. The scattered remains of a picnic rested a few yards away from the now free-standing door. Logan, after examining his surroundings, stopped to think.

“Huh.”

Virgil’s head snapped over to him. “What?”

“I find it interesting that Patton was not also kidnapped. This leads us to two possibilities. One, Patton could be Deceit in disguise again. Patton, say something that only Morality would say.”

“Oh! Uh…” The fatherly Side pulled both Virgil and Logan into a hug. “I love my sons! Oh, you shouldn’t lie to yourself or hide or feelings and never ever steal Logan’s crofters and…”

Virgil nodded at Logan. “Yep, it’s him alright.”

“Good. Then that leads us to my next conclusion. Deceit is trying to take over the imagination. What better way than to kidnap the one in control of the imagination? But where would he be taken?”

“The Mind Palace. Well, what Roman calls his version, the one in the imagination,” answered Virgil. “You know, ah, since we live in the one that looks like Thomas’s house.”

“Excellent deduction! How did you come to that conclusion so swiftly?”

He shrugged. “I-I don’t know. It’s just like this…gut instinct I have.”

Patton pointed westwards. “The castle is that direction!” He then furrowed his brow and looked with some confusion at his own finger. “Huh. I don’t know why I know that. I forgot which way they flew off.”

Logan hummed, looking fascinated. “Then why did you choose that direction?”

“Oh, I don’t know sport, it was just this feeling I had.”

“I trust the Popstar. Let’s follow him.”

Logan snapped fingers as he was hit with an epiphany. “That’s it! There’s a sort of dream logic present in the imagination. Rationales that only belong in romantic stories. Ergo, why you both figured out where to go. Virgil, you’re Anxiety, meaning you rely on instinct. In stories, the protagonist needs to ‘trust their gut’. Likewise, with Patton, the hero should also ‘follow their heart’.”

“Does that mean Virgie’s the hero? Verge, you’re the hero this time!”

Said Side scrunched up his nose. “I think I’d prefer to be the villain this time. Lot less pressure. And dark outfits.”

“It makes sense. He does call you the ‘Stormy Knight’.”

“With the K?” He squirmed a little, looking shyly at his feet. “I didn’t-well, I kind of like that.”

Patton squealed. “I know we should be worried about Roman and all but I hope this’ll be a fun adventure!”

~~~

Roman was currently contemplating how the role of damsel in distress was severely underappreciated. And how Deceit hadn’t even done it right.

“The villain is not supposed to tie royalty to a chair! Some proprietary would be much appreciated!”

Deceit rolled his eyes. “ _Don’t_ deal with it. I _do_ want you to escape.”

The prince huffed, blowing a lock of hair from his eyes. “At least you got the tower. It’s just not complete without a tower. But come on, if you won’t at least try with the ambiance, then what’s the point? You should have just gone with the dungeon if you’re not even going to put in the effort.”

The Snake flapped his arms widely, frustrated. “How is this not aesthetic enough for you? There _aren’t_ cobwebs and torches. There _isn’t_ a Dragon Witch guarding the castle.”

“Oh please, there aren’t even metal bars across the window. I’m not under any sort of spell or enchantment, and you’re not even torturing me! Unless you count your aesthetic, or lack thereof!”

Deceit furrowed his brows. “Fine. That _isn’t_ your punishment. I hope you _don’t_ enjoy your tasteful kidnapping.”

With that, he turned and left, locking the door with a definite click. Roman’s face went pale white.

“No! No! Anything but this! Anything!”

~~~

About what Patton had guessed was halfway to the Mind Palace, the three of them came across a bridge. Before they crossed, Virgil extended his arms to stop the other two.

“Wait, I’m pretty sure that this is the part when something-”

Although he had been expecting it, Virgil still yelped in surprise when a short green creature leapt out in front of them. The anxious Side hissed from where he was hiding behind Patton.

“Not cool!”

“He’s kind of cool, not-so-sunny!” exclaimed Patton. “Look, he’s green!”

“Fascinating. A goblin?”

The creature snarled at Logan. “No, I’m a troll, you dolt!”

“Oh, of course you are. And if we’re following the fairy tale formula, I suppose you have a riddle for us to answer?”

“Ah, um, yes? Yes! I do!” He seemed disgruntled that Logan had guessed that so easily. “What walks on four feet in the morning-”

“Man,” Logan answered. With a single blink, he added, “Interesting. I was not aware that Roman has read Sophocles.”

“No!” The troll stomped his foot. “You’re not supposed to guess it that fast!”

“Why not? The riddle of the Sphinx is perhaps one of the most famous riddles of all time. How could I have not have known that?”

Virgil smirked as he crossed his arms. “Good job Einstein.”

“No, no, no! It can’t be that easy! No, uh, you have to answer three riddles! Yes, three riddles!”

The logical Side frowned. “That’s not fair. You didn’t make that clear earlier.”

“Well, ah, you didn’t let me finish! That’s how these things work, they always come in threes!”

Patton nudged Logan with a look in his eye. “That is true, Teach, you have to let people finish what they’re saying. You know what they say about assuming!”

He rolled his eyes. “Okay fine, go ahead.”

Clearing his throat, the troll said, “First think of the person who lives in disguise-”

“A spider. That was easy, that’s a riddle from Harry Potter and Thomas is well, Thomas. Another Sphinx riddle. I am sensing a common theme here.”

The troll’s face burned with indignation. “Oh yeah? This thing all things devour-”

“Time. Lord of the Rings, correct? No Sphinx, I suppose, but a good choice.”

The troll stamped off, muttering all the way. Virgil gave Logan a high five and Patton patted his shoulder.

“We are clear to cross,” Logan said as he straightened his glasses. “I’ve asserted from the troll’s talk of threes that we shall have to face two more challenges for a total of three. Pat, Virgil, prepare yourselves. This was a test aimed at me, and I can only guess that the next two will be geared towards the two of you.”

Patton squealed, once again breaking the sound barrier. “Oohh! How exciting! I hope I’m next!”

“Yay…” Virgil cringed. “More challenges. As if life isn’t challenging enough.”

~~~

As the door was shut and locked, Roman took in a deep breath to calm himself.

“Alright, to quote Meg from Hercules,” he said to himself. “I’m a damsel, I’m in distress, I can handle this.”

Empowered by feminism, Roman considered his bindings. He was bound hand and foot; his wrists were tied to the arms of the chair and his ankles to the legs. The rope wound around his upper arms bound him to the back of the chair. As such, he was rather limited in his range of movement and escape options.

He narrowed his eyes at the door. “Well, here goes nothing.”

Hands gripping the sides of the chair, he shifted his weight up and forward. He scooted half an inch towards the door. Roman beamed and tired again, not really considering what he was going to do once he reached the locked door nor how he would descend the staircase while tied to a chair.

He scooted twice, thrice more, before his ambition became his folly and he toppled over.

“Agh!” He screamed, kicking his legs (or as much as he could) in frustration.

Realizing that this wasn’t getting him anywhere, he groaned and let himself flop pathetically.

“At least this couldn’t get any worse.”

A minute passed in silence.

“Aaannnddd my nose itches.”

~~~

“What _is_ that?” whispered Virgil, taking in heaving breaths.

The three Sides were huddled on their hands and knees behind a bush, gasping for air. They were hiding from the creature that had been chasing them.

“A unicorn,” answered Logan. “Didn’t you see the horn?”

“That can’t be a unicorn! Unicorns don’t eat people!”

“I don’t know about that, kiddo! I mean, it does have one horn.”

Virgil gestured to his left, “Then how do you explain the piles of bones and skulls?!”

“It’s a carnivorous unicorn.” Logan straightened his glasses, considering the now serene creature nuzzling said pile of bones. It picked up a femur and started gnawing at it like it was a dog. “I hate to say it, but I’m certain that this challenge is geared towards Patton. As the knight, your challenge is most likely saved for last.”

“Yay!” Patton clapped silently. “For me?”

Virgil’s eyes widened. “Wait, no.”

“Yes. I can only assume that you are meant to tame the beast.”

“Oh, that will be easy! Animals love me!”

With that Patton stood up. Virgil lunged to stop him, only to be caught by Logan.

“No, Pat, wait! Wait, wait, wait!”

Patton tippy toed up to the bloodthirsty creature.

“Hey there little guy,” he whispered. “I’m Patton, but you can call me Pat! What’s your name?”

The unicorn’s nostrils flared and it lowered its head, horn pointed straight at the fatherly Side. Patton took another step forward.

Virgil squirmed in Logan’s grip. The logical Side wrapped his arms firmly around his middle. Virgil flailed as his own arms were pinned against him.

“No, no, no, Pat, it’s too dangerous! It’ll kill you!”

“Ugh, it’s fine Verge! Besides, we can’t help him anyway, it’s his challenge!”

“Patton, don’t!”

“Hey,” he cooed at it. “It’s alright. You know, you remind me of someone very special to me.”

“Patton!”

“He seemed pretty off-putting at first too.” The unicorn beat its hoof against the ground as he extended out his hand. “Admittedly, he never owned a pile of bones. Er, I think. But he was real sweet and nice in his own way once you got to know him.”

The unicorn stalked closer, its whinnying deepening to a sort of growl.

“I think I’d like to get to know you better. Huh? Do you want be my friend?”

“Pat!”

The unicorn stretched out its neck and sniffed his hand. Huffing, it then nuzzled its nose against his hand. Patton proceeded to pet it, rubbing away all the neglected years it has spent alone. The unicorn tossed its head and shook with delight at the loving attention it was receiving.

“There we go,” he beamed. “I think I’ll call you Nigel!”

Virgil sagged in Logan’s grip. “Oh, thank goodness. I think I’m going to throw up.”

“Please don’t,” Logan sighed.

“Look at my boys over there,” he murmured into Nigel’s ear. “They’re hugging!”

~~~

“This _is_ a surprise.”

Roman glared up at Deceit as he entered. He blinked, unimpressed at the sight of the prince helplessly flailing (as much as he could) on the floor, still bound tight to the chair.

“I _didn’t_ bring you dinner.”

“That’s really sweet of you, Jack the Fibber!” he growled. “Help me up! And would you mind scratching my-mrph!” Deceit had stuffed a loaf of bread into his mouth.

“See you _soon_.”

Roman spat out the bread. “Hey, just you wait-”

The door slammed shut and he groaned. “Oh the indignity of it all! This is not how one should treat their captives! This has got to be a war crime or something. And my nose still itches!”

~~~

The Sides had just come into view of the Mind Palace when a thirty-foot-tall purple dragon flew down and landed in front of them. They screamed and leapt backwards. Virgil, shaking with fright, positioned himself in front of Patton and Logan.

Patton gapped up at her. “Wow, she’s huge!”

“D-don’t tell me this is my challenge.”

The Dragon Witch threw her head back and laughed. “Now which one of you are the dark and stormy knight?”

“It’s you.” Logan assured Virgil.

“Great.”

“It’s you then, huh?” she cackled. “You’re so small. In fact, I think you’re the shortest Side I’ve ever seen.”

“Deceit wears heels!”

“My point still stands.”

“Virgil,” Logan whispered into his ear. “Do you have anything on you? A knife, a sword? Anything sharp?”

“My tongue,” he deadpanned.

Logan furrowed his brows before they shot up. “Good, use that!”

“What?”

Patton rubbed his shoulder comfortingly. “The power of words, kiddo!”

The Dragon Witch towered menacingly over the three Sides. “How can you possibly hope to defeat me? You expect to tame me like that troll or unicorn? Don’t make me laugh; I tend to breathe fire!”

Virgil took in a deep breath. He looked the Dragon Witch in the eye and shrugged with all the indifference of an early 2000s teen. “We don’t have to.”

She curled her lip. “What?”

“I said we don’t have to. I mean, it looks like Deceit has you wrapped around his little gloved pinky.”

“How dare you! We’re partners!”

“Partners?” he drawled, tossing his purple hair. “You really think that? You’re out on guard duty while he’s held up in the castle on the throne, probably drinking Earl Grey, and you think that you guys are partners?”

The Dragon Witch worked her jaw up and down, much resembling a fish out of water. “Well, I…that is…”

“You know what? I bet you fight Roman because he’s top of the status quo. I get that; I fight the Man too. But what’s the good of that if he just gets replaced with someone worse? I mean, Princey is Princey, but at least he’s not a liar. At least he wouldn’t _use you_.”

She blinked down at Virgil. She whipped her head toward the castle, struck by an epiphany. “You know what? I think you may be onto something!”

With that, she leapt into the air. Her wings spread out to their full length and she caught the wind; she was flying off towards the castle. “You slimy snake!”

Patton jumped up and down with glee. “Great job my little shadowing!”

Logan adjusted his glasses, as if seeing Virgil in a new light. “Quite impressive. How ever did you manage that?”

Virgil shrugged, a grin on his face. He hoped he wasn’t blushing. “You know. I’m Anxiety, that’s what I’m good at.”

Patton looked off toward the castle, a thoughtful look on his face. “We really should make sure Deceit is okay.”

“As much as I would not like to, I agree that we should. While Patton and I do that, Virgil should go find Roman.”

“Uh, why me and why alone?”

“Because,” Logan patted him on the head. “You’re the knight. That’s your job.”

Virgil scrunched up his nose. “I don’t think I like being the knight; it’s a lot of work.”

~~~

Virgil stared down at Roman, unimpressed as Deceit had been. Roman, from his position on the floor amidst a collection of bread crumbs, beamed up at him.

“Wow Sir-Sing-Along, you look _particularly_ pathetic.”

“Virgil! My knight in shining armor! You’ve come to rescue me!” Then he frowned. “How did you open the door?”

Virgil knelt and began to untie the ropes. “The key-”

“Wait, wait!” cried Roman. “My nose! Please scratch my nose! It’s been itching for hours!”

The anxious Side did so, rolling his eyes. “The key was on a hook next to the door.”

Once he was finished with the bindings, he reached out a hand to help Roman up. “Come on, it’s time, New Roman.”

“Font jokes? You’re a Comic, Sanders. But no, I can’t stand. You’ll have to carry me.”

Virgil’s eye twitched. “What?”

“You’ll have to carry me!” Roman pressed his wrist to his forehead in a fake swoon. “I simply don’t have the strength to stand.”

“I just walked up like four flights of stairs!”

“Virgil!”

“No!”

“Virgie!”

“There’s no way in hell-”

~~~

Apparently there was. The other two had been waiting at the base of the tower. Deceit had long since fled, the Dragon Witch hot on his heels. Patton gasped at the sight of Roman held in Virgil’s arms, one arm under his knees, the other supporting his back, Roman’s arms around his neck. The perfect princess-bridal carry.

Logan saw this and wiped his glasses clean. “Huh.”

“How romantic!”

Virgil rolled his eyes. “How heavy. Seriously Princey, cut the carbs.”

Roman cuddled up closer to the other Side. “I know you’re just saying that because you’re embarrassed.” He sighed dramatically, planting a kiss on his cheek. “My sweet, sweet, stormy knight come to save his beloved prince!”

Cheeks burning red as the prince’s sash, Virgil dropped Roman. The romantic Side yelped in protest as Virgil stalked off.

“You can walk home!”

**Author's Note:**

> This was a lot of fun to write. Hope this made your day! Good luck on your upcoming finals!


End file.
